The Legacy Game
by SwissMiss1
Summary: The kids from the Epilogue compete for the title of "Toughest Legacy To Live Up To." Just a bunch of silliness.


_This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

The Legacy Game

Emcee: Welcome to Legacy, the game where our contestants compete for the title of "Toughest Legacy to Live Up To". All the kids from the Epilogue are here, so let's dive right in. Our first category is names. Who thinks they've got the toughest name to live up to?

_Several buzzers ring in quick succession._

Emcee: (laughs) Oh, my! A lot of tough names! Looks like Victoire, you were first. You've got fifteen seconds, sweetheart. Go!

Victoire: It's Victoire. (pronounces it with an extreme French accent) Which is my first point. No one can even say my name right. Secondly, everyone thinks I was either conceived or born on the day of Voldemort's defeat, so I'm like some symbol for the resistance movement or something. Wrong! My parents just liked the name. And it makes me sound stuck-up, which, along with my Veela heritage--

Emcee: And that's your time up! Sounds like your name's something of a mouthful. (chuckles) Scorpius, I believe you buzzed in next.

Scorpius: My name makes me sound evil. Like a scorpion. (points his finger at James, next to him, and makes poking motions)

James: What the--? Get away!

Scorpius: (calmly) I'm stinging you.

James: Well stop it!

Scorpius: (appeals to Emcee) I'm not really evil.

Emcee: If you say so, although (chuckles) wow, 'Scorpius'! Doesn't exactly say 'Integrity', does it? Ha-ha. And that brings us to James?

James: It's obvious, isn't it? I was named for my grandfather, who died saving my dad—

Lily: He did not! Nana Lily died for Dad! Grandpa James just got in the way. I'm the one who's got to live up to being named after the woman who sacrificed herself for her child.

Emcee: All right, Lily, let's hear James out. It's his fifteen seconds.

James: Right. Er… Where was I?

Scorpius: Died saving his kid, yadda yadda yadda?

James: Yeah, he died saving Dad… (glares at Lily) … and he was the leader of the coolest gang at school, best Chaser—

Lily: (condescendingly) He was mediocre at best.

James: (about to protest)

Emcee: Thank you, James, it sounds like you've got some pretty big shoes to fill.

James: I wasn't done yet! That's not fair, she kept interrupting me!

Emcee: (ignores) Albus! You've been quiet, but I see you also believe your name is a burden. It's a lovely name, if I may say so. Very manly.

Albus: (snorts) Manly? If slide rules and horn-rimmed glasses are your idea of manly. What kind of action am I going to get with a name like Albus? And don't even get me started on my middle name: Severus. (makes gagging motion) Named after two of the least desirable, least attractive men my father ever knew. Some old geezer who was about a million years old and a guy who thought shampoo was only for washing the carpets. Neither of them ever even had a girlfriend. How lame is that?

Emcee: (sympathizes) I see what you mean. (brightly) Well, judges, what do you think? Who's the most burdened by their name? Victoire, James, Lily, or Albus?

Victoire: (tosses her hair back)

Lily: (sticks her tongue out at James)

James: (pointedly ignores her)

Albus: (blinks owlishly)

_A light blinks on in front of Albus. He looks startled, then pleased. The others look miffed._

Emcee: That's ten points for Albus. You can get that changed legally, you know. Talk to me afterwards. And that brings us to our next category: achievements of your parents. Who feels that their parents have left them with the most to live up to?

_All the buzzers go off. _

Emcee: Whoa! I think that's a pretty clear answer. In the interest of time, we'll just have one representative from each family explain their position. Ted, we haven't heard from you yet.

Teddy: It's Teddy, Bob. And I'd just like to say that I'm damn proud of what my parents did, putting their lives on the line like they did so that the rest of us could live free. They were soldiers. They knew what they were doing. They knew the risks, and they took them so that we wouldn't have to. So no, I don't feel that I have too much to live up to. I'm proud to live on for them!

Audience: (applauds politely)

Scorpius: (sniffles) That was beautiful. (to Emcee, hopefully) If he's withdrawing, can I have his swag?

Emcee: (irritated but still smiling) No. (turns to the other side) Hugo, Rose, you've been awfully quiet. Don't want you to think we've forgotten you.

Rose: (primly) Not at all. Our names aren't really a problem for us. They're not weird or the names of dead people. But on the subject of parents' achievements, I'd say we have a whole lot to live up to, probably more than anyone else.

Emcee: Why's that?

Rose: Well. We're the offspring of two out of three of the Golden Trio. And let's face it: Our mother did most of the actual work when it came to defeating Voldemort. She was the one who planned everything. And between her and Dad, they destroyed two of the Horcruxes. Not to mention they were instrumental in getting to the Philosopher's Stone and saving it from Voldemort.

James: Who saved the Philosopher's Stone? I don't recall either of your parents being there in the chamber with Quirrell.

Rose: (looks at him over her glasses) I said they were instrumental in getting to the Stone. If you'd listen for once, you might not get your facts so mixed up. And Lily's right: Your grandfather didn't die saving your father. He didn't even put up a fight. Sorry.

James: (fumes)

Emcee: Thank you, Rose. You've built up quite a case there. James, as the oldest of the Potter clan, would you like to tell us about what achievements of your parents you feel you need to live up to?

James: Harry Potter. Need I say more? (leans back, hands behind his head)

Emcee: If you would.

James: (exaggerated sigh) The Boy-Who-Lived, Saviour of the wizarding world, the Chosen One, Triwizard Champion, youngest Hogwarts Seeker in a century, Master of the Elder Wand, descendant of Ignotus Peverell… Is that enough for you yet?

Emcee: (laughs) My, I should say so. Victoire, how about you?

Victoire: Sure, they've got famous parents. But I have, too: Don't forget that my mother was also a Triwizard Champion, not to mention the first foreigner accepted to Gringotts' apprenticeship program and the French Wand-Twirling Champion three years in a row. Additionally, though, I have Veela heritage. Not everyone expects the Potters to be as athletic or lucky as their father was, but before they even meet me, they assume I'm a super-gorgeous man-charmer. Women hate me and men lust after me based on my genes alone. I ask you, is that fair? (tears appear in her baby-blue eyes)

Scorpius: (hands her a hanky)

Victoire: (smiles fetchingly) Thank you. You are truly not evil.

Emcee: Which brings us to you, Scorpius. How are you burdened by your parents' achievements?

Scorpius: I'm going to have to play the evil card again. I come from a long line of Dark Arts practitioners and Death Eaters. As soon as anyone hears 'Malfoy', they either run away shrieking or try to sell me virgins' hearts. Try to get an even shake with those odds.

Emcee: Ho-ho! It's stiff competition for this round. Judges, what do you think?

Scorpius: (looks superior)

Victoire: (blinks prettily)

James: (scowls at Scorpius)

Teddy: (holds up a picture of Remus and Tonks)

_A light blinks on in front of Scorpius._

Emcee: Very good! Ten points to Scorpius! Death Eaters in the family are tough to beat. Let's move on to our third and final round: Genetic heritage. How are your lives made difficult by your genes? I think we've heard from Victoire on this count already. Anyone else?

_Two buzzers sound._

Emcee: All right, Ted, looks like you're back in the game after all.

Teddy: It's Teddy, Bob. First of all, I just want to make it clear that I'm proud to be the son of a Metamorphmagus and a werewolf. They beat the odds to have me. They weren't afraid to give me a chance, despite the risks. I could have ended up some hideous cripple, stuck half-way between man and beast, Cursed and despised. The high concentration of recessive traits could have made me a Squib or a cretin. But look at me! (thumps chest) I'm the picture of health. A finer specimen of a wizard you won't find. So, burdened? Far from it, Bob. I relish my heritage!

Audience: (a smattering of confused applause)

Scorpius: Have you ever considered running for office?

Emcee: We'll … let that stand as your entry. And it looks like Hugo's buzzed in this time! How does your ancestry make things tough for you, son?

Hugo: I'm six!

Emcee: (chortles) Well, isn't that fine. You're a pureblood, you know. Not much to worry about there, is there?

Hugo: Mummy's Muggleborn!

Emcee: Yes, there is that. Well, all right, then, if that's all—

_Another buzzer sounds._

Emcee: Scorpius! A bit late to buzz in, but all right.

Scorpius: Doesn't look like there's much competition this round, is there? Thought it can't hurt to push my case.

Emcee: Not at all! Go ahead, my dear boy.

Scorpius: Well, I am a pureblood. The purest of the pure. You'd think that would open all sorts of doors for me, but it's just the opposite. There's been such a backlash against Death Eater politics that anyone claiming pureblood ancestry is looked on as some kind of supremacist. I had to pretend to be a half-blood simply in order to get my broom re-licensed.

James: We're purebloods, too, and that's a load of rubbish! You're just trying for a sympathy vote. (turns on off-screen judges) If you vote for him, you've got to vote for us, too!

Emcee: That's everyone, then! Victoire the Veela, Ted – dy (winks at Teddy) the Metamorphmagus-werewolf mix, Rose and Hugo, the children of a Muggleborn, the pureblood Potter children, and of course our other pureblood Scorpius. What do you think? Who deserves the title?

Teddy: (turns hair pink)

Victoire: (folds hands demurely)

Hugo: (picks a bogey out of his nose and eats it)

Scorpius: (adjusts tie)

James: (glowers at Scorpius)

_A light comes on in front of Scorpius._

Scorpius: (cheers and punches the air with his fist)

Teddy: (pats Scorpius on the back)

James: (stands, incensed) How can that be? This thing is rigged! There's no way—

Emcee: That makes twenty points for Scorpius, so it looks like we have a winner!

_Scorpius jumps up and runs over to shake the emcee's hand._

Emcee: (heartily) Congratulations, young man.

Scorpius: What did I win?

Emcee: Scorpius Malfoy, you've won your own spin-off series, penned by none other than the Queen of the Quick-Quotes Quill, Rita Skeeter!

(cut to shot of Skeeter smiling and waving)

James: (starts laughing hysterically)

Emcee: That wraps up our show for today. A big thanks to all of our contestants…

Audience: (applauds politely)

Emcee: (audible underneath the applause) Hey, Hugo? Son? That's very expensive equipment…


End file.
